You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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