Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He felt like a one man threesome
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
