Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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