So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
