Sry I called you an 8
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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