I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
