She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
