I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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