i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
