rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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