Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
