I am spending my child support on dildos
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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