I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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