A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
