I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
