Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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