i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
