if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
