I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My bed is full of blood and feathers
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
