I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
