Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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