Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
