I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
