he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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