idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
