What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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