wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
