i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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