I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
