Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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