Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
