I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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