So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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