i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
