Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
