I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
