You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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