The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
