I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
