When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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