I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
