weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
