I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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