he puts the penis in happiness.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
