He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
