I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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