I think im going to throw up on grandma
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she pinky promised me she was 18
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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