It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
