So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
