tonight lets celebrate not being married
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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