I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
All the doctor said was why
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
