I think I am morally bankrupt
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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