just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
